Tuesday, April 28, 2009

SUICIDE LETTER


I couldn't sleep the first night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter, or anything, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the our days with laughter, the sleeping moments together, eating dirty' foods together - learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever.
...I have loved you! And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. I did loved you. Very, very simple, very truly. It can be the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in a relationship. And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. But I had to say it. I just, and I have to. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't, I can't look into your eyes without feeling that, that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. And I know this will probably queer our friendship - no pun intended - but I had to say it, because me, myself, don't care. I like who I am because of it. And if bringing this to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But God, I just, I couldn't allow another day to go by without just getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And, you know, I'll accept that. But I know...I know that some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitation, then that means you feel something in, too. There isn't another soul on this fucking planet who has ever made me half the person I am when I was with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it is there between you and me. I can't deny that. Even if, you know, even if we never talk again after this letter, just so know that I'm forever changed because of what I've learned from you..
…oh Yes! This may be a confession... so do I know that love hurts when you break up with someone. It hurts even more when someone breaks up with you. But love hurts the most when the person you love has no idea how you feel.
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